Posts Tagged Governor Mark Sanford
Its Just Gotten Too Easy
Posted by zoboxrox in malfunction, not news, politics on June 25th, 2009
Throughout my back and forth between all the news outlets today, I just couldn’t help but become enthralled. What is wrong with these people?! Did IQs suddenly just drop?
Haven’t done a top 5 list in a while, so here’s a new one. Top 5 morons currently in politics (here is a more complete list).
5. Ok, so lets start with (the already forgotten) Republican Senator John Ensign, who, just ten days 
ago, publicly admitted to having an extra-marital affair a year ago….with a campaign staffer. His fellow Republicans did a pretty good job holding in the vomit upon learning of the indiscretion.
Senator Ensign was, until his very recent resignation as chairman of the Republican Policy Committee, the fourth-ranking Pube among the party’s senatorial leadership. I actually have a soft spot for the guy — he started off his career as a vet, opening two 24-hour emergency animal hospitals (which are very useful when you have an animal emergency!). So what if he’s a born-again, Pentecostal “promise-keeper” (*laugh*). So what that in 1998 when Bill Clinton was caught cheating Ensign pushed for his resignation.
“Think about it. He sent taxpayer-paid staff out to lie for him, and that is a misuse of office,” Ensign said.
Good point John Ensign. Too bad you blew any credibility you ever had.
4. Former Senator and Presidential hopeful John Edwards is number four here, which goes to show how bad the other three are. Ok, Johnny, here’s a little piece of advice: if you’re running for President of the United States of America, don’t have an affair. Or, if you absolutely must have an affair, don’t run for president. Oh, and if you decide to go ahead and do both, don’t have a baby! Moron. I can’t believe I voted for you… even if you are a little dreamy. 
3. Former Governor of New York Eliot Spitzer comes in third for his run around a prostitution ring. What I will say about Eliot, which I can’t say for any of these other guys, he ducked and covered. I mean, when you’re under fire, get out da’ way! I suppose Spitzers resignation stems from the fact that prostitution is illegal, while cheating is only a no-no in the eyes of g-d. Anyway, he’s a dumbass because when you use hookers, you get caught. Unless you kill them. In which case, staffers are just as disposable. Ask Gary Condit! Spitzer’s affair was so unforgettably bad, it got its own wikipedia page.
2. South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford is second for his little week-long disappearing act/trip to BA (jealous!) to visit his mistress Maria. Here’s the thing, when you are the governor of a state, that’s like being a parent — like being octomom even! When you go “missing,” people start to notice. Therefore, if you are attempting to be discreet, tell someone what to do when people start asking where you’ve gone. And don’t leave your wife at home, pissed off enough to admit to the media that even she has no idea where you are. I mean, you’ve been running a goddamn state (not very well, but whatevs) for the past few years, don’t you have any idea how anything works?!
1. But the number one dummy of the bunch, and this may come as a shock to those of you who liken me with Ethyl Rosenburg, the winner of our biggest dick-heads in politics is… everyones favorite Former President William Jefferson Clinton. 
I mean, when you’re running the world, you can’t just go boing the interns… and every other woman you’ve ever met. I’ve got to eat dinner, and I don’t want to make myself nauseated, so I’ll spare us all the details, but you remember, and I’m sure as soon as I say ‘cigar’ you’ll get where I’m at.
Now don’t ever say I never did anything bi-partisan.
RIP MJ
CPAC v. Iran aka “Worst Places on Earth”, Best Week Ever: 2/23-3/2
Posted by zoboxrox in international, malfunction, politics on March 4th, 2009
1. The Nation’s 50 Governors (+ some) assemble in DC to meet with the President, at the winter annual National Governors Association. Mostly the event becomes a platform for partisan debate concerning the $787 million Stimulus Package, in what the Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina, described as a “tug-of-war” between some moderate republican governors who are glad to have their share of the stimulus, such as Arnie and Charlie Crist of Florida, and those more aligned with old fashioned right-leaning principles, like, being an asshole. Sanford identifies himself as the latter saying, “I am in the camp that says we go back to the basics.”
Strangely enough, it was Arnold who was most articulate on the matter saying, “Even though it is against your principles or philosophy [I believe that officeholders should be doing] what the people want you to do rather than getting stuck in your ideology.”
2. Obama gives first annual address to a joint session of Congress; introduces budget, Iraq withdrawal plan.
MSNBC on the budget:
Pledging “a new era of responsibility,” President Barack Obama unveiled a multi-trillion-dollar spending plan Thursday that would boost taxes on the wealthy, curtail Medicare, lay the groundwork for universal health care and leave a string of deficits dwarfing any in the nation’s history.
In addition to sending Congress his $3.55 trillion budget plan for 2010, Obama proposed more immediate changes that would push spending to $3.94 trillion in the current year. That would result in a record deficit Obama projects will hit $1.75 trillion, reflecting the massive spending being undertaken to battle a severe recession and the worst financial crisis in seven decades.
Meanwhile, I spent an hour in the waiting area of a public health care facility today with my boyfriend who was having a moderate dental emergency, and it was more or less a joke. We ended up leaving to go to a private doctor before our number was even called. I have no problem with overspending to ensure that all people have access to somewhat decent health care. Anyone who does, is a total asshole… oh wait.
3. CPAC convenes, fairies all over the world die. CPAC, which stands for Conservative Political Action Conference, is an annual gathering of some of the worst people our country has to offer. This year’s highlights include the rise-and-fall of Bobby Jindal, a brilliant oratorical work by Rush Limbaugh, and a Romney straw-poll victory.
4. Iran has nuclear capabilities. I’d still rather be here than at CPAC, but the news is generally not that good this week.
5. Obama announces final Cabinet position nomination, two-term democratic governor of Kansas, Kathleen Sebelius for Secretary of Health and Human Services. This is actually pretty good news; Sebelius is capable, qualified, and is an optimal replacement for Tom Daschle, Obama’s original nomination.
Sebelius is a two-term Democratic governor in a Republican-leaning state. She previously served as a state insurance commissioner and oversaw Kansas’ Medicaid program.
In a show of her bipartisan appeal, Republican governors such as Arnold Schwarzenegger of California and Jon Huntsman of Utah commended her selection.
Schwarzenegger said Sebelius “has a well-earned reputation of working across the political aisle,” and Huntsman called the appointment “a welcome announcement.”
Republicans from Sebelius’ home state also threw their support behind the governor.
Arnie, all over the place these days! It appears YOU are having the best week ever!!
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