Archive for category malfunction

You Are What You Eat — So Eat Something

My brilliant, charming, lady-killer of a friend has begun his own blogging adventure, Lunch Poems, and, while my bitter cynicism is in stark contrast to his levity, he has inspired me in terms of the direction of my new post.

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I’m having a hard time with women lately — as a group.  I should specify that statement — I am finding it difficult to sympathize with first world women who have chosen the desire to be thin as a main goal in life.  And I’m not talking about the estimated 7 million American women who actually have an eating disorder.   I’m not talking about the 4%of these women who will die every year.  I’m not even talking about the 50% of 10 year olds who “want to lose weight.”  I’m simply referring to your average women who battles everyday with her food intake and exercise routine, and the unnecessary stress it causes on her already overworked frame.

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Yesterday, standing in line for lunch, the thin woman behind me asked to taste one of the soup options, I believe it was a delicious looking cream of corn and chicken option.  “I can tell this is fattening,” she told the server, before walking off to the salad bar.  And while I should learn to mind my own business, a little part of me cried for her, and for every other woman out there counting calories every day of their lives.  First of all lady, do you really think the soup guy gives a shit?  Secondly, LIVE YOU LIFE.  If the soup is delicious, EAT IT.

My adorable friend Sumer has a category of issues she refers to as “First World Problems.”  Examples of these are as such: “I ordered a dress online last week and it still hasn’t gotten here — ugh!” or “I love driving my (shiny, new) car to work, but parking is such a pain in the ass, I’ve had to start taking the subway.”  And if I’m being preachy its only because its in my nature, I have my fair share of FWPs (the fan on my computer is malfunctioning, I am finding full-time steady employment to be less fulfilling than I expected, I haven’t been on a nice date in months).  None, however, seem as callous as denying myself food, when there are millions of people who dont know when they’re next meal will be.  Additionally, it strikes me as a huge blow to the advancement of women — are we really going to let something as petty as weight dictate our self-worth.

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I’m all for looking good and feeling good.  I think excersise and nutrition are both extremely important and I could certainly afford to lose a few pounds myself.  I will never, however, let food and weight consume my life.  I think that anyone who plans on being happy should consider that advice, because, and I know there are those out there who make a lot of money disagreeing with me, but a lot of things actually taste better than being thin feels!  Besides, she may look great, but is this really someone you want to take advice from:

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Maybe it’s all a big hoax!

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People seem surprised by the recent news that “balloon boy,” aka six-year-old Falcon Heene, was simply the pawn in a ridiculous publicity stunt set forth by his clearly unstable parents with ambitions of reality-stardom (an oxymoron if there ever was one).

Now, while I’m shocked (ok, not really) that CNN covered the whole charade for the better part of an afternoon, including “CNN BREAKING NEWS UPDATES” which I mistakenly have programmed my phone to alert me of whenever they occur (my afternoon was filled with text messages like: “Balloon boy found in attic”…. seriously), and then continued to work the Heene family into their front-page coverage, including today’s, and yesterday’s, etc, etc., its hardly surprising at all to see a parent, in this case both, willing to take advantage of their children for financial gain and public attention.

Its not to hard to see where this is going:

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Perhaps, collectively, we have to learn to take better care of our children.

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Too Good to Be True; Too Crazy to Make Up

I’m trying to be more fun… now that the political atmosphere has gotten completely morbid and depressing, while there’s still a lot going on, more than ever before in fact, no one seems all that interested.  Including, and probably most apparently, myself.  So I thought I’d try to….(gasp)…. broaden my horizon.

Here’s my Top 5 Headlines (a la Leno) from this week, that I just had to share because they’re too good not to:

5. Spencer Pratt ‘barely having sex’ with Heidi Montag

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Number Five comes to us from CNN.  Believe it.  I don’t know what the hell is going on in the world, but here is direct a quote from the article, which many different people from CNN had to write, edit, copy, approve, and publish:

Speaking to the New York Post’s PopWrap on Tuesday, Pratt, 26, said that he’s tried to prevent Montag, 23, from realizing her dreams of becoming a young mother — by refusing her sex.

“I’m not even kidding, my wife — OK, I’m gonna get crass here — but we’re barely having sex because I’m scared that she’s gonna have a baby,” he said. “That’s the level our marriage is on right now. I’m not even kidding — my wife has me debating cutting off my nuts.”

Spencer, I’m pretty sure you can find someone to cut your balls off for you.  CNN — what the fuck were you thinking?

4. Why Women Have Sex (again, CNN) or Why Women Have Sex (Newsweek…. really Newsweek, really?)

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What makes a woman want to have sex? Is it physical attraction? Love? Loneliness? Jealousy? Boredom? Painful menstrual cramps?

I’m not going to say I’ve never heard that one before, cause I’d be lying, but come on!  How many people out there right now are really having sex to sooth cramps?! What kind of question is this anyway?  Why not ask the same of men…. because its obvious?  Well, I find this to be fairly obvious too.  Newsweek, what do you think?

Researchers have historically theorized that women’s motives lie in love and commitment, while newer studies have shown they do it for pleasure, just like men. But women are complicated creatures: their sexual health is determined as much by their emotions as by their physical state

Wow, that is truly impressive journalism.  What you’re telling me is women are effected by how they feel physically AND emotionally?  This is groundbreaking.  Is there a book?  Of course there’s a book, called, guess what, Why Women Have Sex. The sad thing is, I bet half the people who buy this will be female.

3. Fugitive Stripper Zaps Coworker (Thank you Fox)

Not much substance here, just a great headline.

2. Porn Surfing Rampant At U.S. Government Agency (Huffington Post from The Washington Times)

This story, however, is incredible.

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Its long, but YOU HAVE TO READ THIS:

An investigative report by The Washington Times reveals porn surfing by employees has been rampant at the National Science Foundation, a government agency that received $6 billion in taxpayer funding in 2008.

Out of 10 misconduct cases at the NSF, at least seven involved workers viewing online pornography.

A senior executive at the foundation was found to have spent at least 331 days looking at porn and chatting with naked or scantily-clad women on his work computer. When confronted, he tried to justify it as a charitable act:

When finally caught, the NSF official retired. He even offered, among other explanations, a humanitarian defense, suggesting that he frequented the porn sites to provide a living to the poor overseas women. Investigators put the cost to taxpayers of the senior official’s porn surfing at between $13,800 and about $58,000.  “He explained that these young women are from poor countries and need to make money to help their parents and this site helps them do that,” investigators wrote in a memo.

1. Judge weighs whether cows enjoyed ’suckling’ cop’s member (appropriately, this is from The Raw Story)

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I went ahead and saved the best for last, so you’re welcome.

A Pennsylvania judge pondered a very unusual question during a ruling issued Monday: When a former police officer stuck his male member in the mouths of five baby cows, did they enjoy “suckling” it, or were they merely “puzzled”?robertmelialikescows-1

“During a bizarre hearing there yesterday, a Superior Court judge dismissed animal-cruelty charges against a Moorestown police officer accused of sticking his penis into the mouths of five calves in rural Southampton in 2006…

Weighing the case, Judge James J. Morley reportedly asked: “If the cow had the cognitive ability to form thought and speak, would it say, ‘Where’s the milk? I’m not getting any milk’?”

Equating the act of putting a penis in the mouth of a cow with a human baby suckling on a pacifier, the judge reportedly added: “They [children] enjoy the act of suckling. Cows may be of a different disposition.”…

Because bestiality is not illegal where the officer committed the acts, Melia was only charged with animal cruelty, leading the judge to determine what exactly constitutes cruelty in this case….

“I’m not saying it’s OK,” the judge said, according to the New York Daily News. “This is a legal question for me. It’s not a questions of morals. It’s not a question of hygiene. It’s not a question of how people should conduct themselves.”

The owner of the cows, the Daily News added, was very upset at the ruling.

I bet the cows weren’t too happy either.  How would you feel if this guy stuck his male member in your mouth without asking?

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Who Deserves the Best?

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First of all, South Carolina should probably just go ahead and secede all over again.  They’re track record so far this year is about as impressive as Lindsay Lohan’s.  This latest incident is hardly even surprising.  In fact, I would say they were due for another serious embarrassment.  South Carolina, I hear you’re trying to fire your governor — while you’re at it, why don’t you just get rid of your whole legislative body and start over again.  Or better yet, merge with North Carolina and let them do all your voting for you.

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Watch Joe Biden after Joe Wilson shouts out “You Lie” to the President.  It looks like someone just ran over his German Shepard puppy Champ.  I’ve never seen a grown man look so sad.  And I get it.  He’s thinking, “the times they are a changing,”  because, before last night, nobody ever really shouted at the President (besides this guy).

One thing that I don’t understand about the Health Care debate, and maybe I’m being insensitive now, but why do senior citizens automatically deserve better (and freer) medical care than the rest of us?  Its not that I don’t think they should be insured, but why them and no one else?  Why not children?  Why not students?  I like the way this guy puts it:

The President [gave] a great speech last night and outlined his points for why we need universal health coverage in America. In case you missed it, here it is in a nutshell: you cannot call yourself the greatest country in the world if you don’t have it.

True that!

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Why why why why why?

So, the major problem with American Democracy is that it is representative: we elect people who we feel will represent our views within the legislative body upon which they sit – we do not participate in our democracy directly — we are not always privy to the actual truth. Majority rules, and so depending on where you are and who won your local elections, this means you may not be represented at all.  If your guy lost, then basically, you’re voice remains silent as your elected representative fulfills the needs of most of the people, which could be as little as one percentage point over half, in your district/county/state.

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The reason this is a major problem, it seems pretty clear to me now, is that the majority of Americans are at worst stupid, and at best simply irresponsible, ignorant, gullible, stubborn, and set in their ways.  What always amazes me is the fact that people actually vote against what’s in their own best interest: fiscally, the Republican Party only benefits around 5% of the population.

With Universal Health Care we meet a similar problem.  Many of the people who’s lives would be improved by it, are being lied to and misinformed.  Take this guy, for instance, who if you can believe it, is actually a Senator, Chuck Grassley of Iowa.  He doesn’t even come close to answering the question he’s been asked, and then he lies, repeatedly, to those who he is supposed to be representing:

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Come on Chuck.  LETS BE TRUTHFUL!!

So here are the Top 5 lies about some of our health care options, and the one truth standing in its way:

LIES:

1. Single Payer Health Care is the same thing Socialized Medicine: NOT TRUE

Socialized Medicine doesn’t actually exist, but if it did, it would still be different than Single Payer System.  Under “socialized medicine” the doctors work for the government directly.  Single Payer simply means there is a single fund or insurance company which is making payments aka “centralized payment”:

Single-payer health insurance is a term used in the United States to describe the legislated insurance of individuals by way of centralized payment of doctors, hospitals, and other health care providers and facilities…. The administrator of the fund could be the government but it could also be a publicly owned agency regulated by law

2. Socialized Medicine leads to Socialism: NOT TRUE

We currently have socialized the following industries, and I’m pretty sure most every American, red-blooded or blue, would like to keep it this way: The Police Department, The Fire Department, The United States Postal Service, The Public Education System, The Public Library, and Neighborhood Parks and Recreational Services.

Imagine the outrage if we decided to privatize fire services, and unless you had insurance, your local department, no matter how close or how able, would simply let your house burn down.  And we don’t talk about a government run Fire Department - it has not communalized our way of life, nor taken control of our personal liberties.  It is simply something no American could imagine living without, which is exactly how they feel about health care in the countries where it is free.

3. Universal Health Care would be more expensive than our current system: NOT TRUE

Turns out, we spend more right now, both individually and as a nation, than we would in a government funded option.

A 2003 study examined costs and outputs in the U.S and other industrialized countries and broadly concluded that the U.S spends so much because its health care system is more costly. It noted that “…the United States spent considerably more on health care than any other country…[yet] most measures of aggregate utilization such as physician visits per capita and hospital days per capita were below the OECD median. Since spending is a product of both the goods and services used and their prices, this implies that much higher prices are paid in the United States than in other countries.

Perhaps it has something to do with the $71 Billion that Pfizer raked in last year, or the $61 Billion Johnson & Johnson made on pharmaceutical products alone.

4. Health Care in countries with a Universal System suffers in quality as a result: NOT TRUE

Not only is health care in the United States more expensive than it is in any other “first world” country, it turns out, its also not as good.  I have this argument all the time: “Oh but we have by far the best health care in the world…” or “I’d rather be in a hospital in America than anywhere else….”  Funny.  The World Health Organization disagrees with you.  As do over half of the citizens of Western Europe.

See here.  Or here.  Or here.  Or here.

5. The government wants to create “Death Panels” in order to kill your elderly grandmother or your disabled child: JUST SO NOT TRUE

While a “death panel” more or less already exists, its called an insurance company, this particular piece of nonsense actually stems from a bill, written by a Republican member of Congress mind you, which requested that, part of health care reform would include end of life counseling for those approaching death.  The horrors!

A couple months ago I had the opportunity to see New York Times contributor Jane Brody speak on her newest book, Jane Brody’s Guide to the Great Beyond: A Practical Primer to Help You and Your Loved Ones Prepare Medically, Legally, and Emotionally for the End of Life. As someone who, throughout her entire career has focused on living well and prolonging a healthy life, I can truly say Jane Brody is not the kind of person who would kill your grandma.  She is, however, knowledgeable enough on the subject of death, that I trust her when she says the following: receive End of Life counseling, have a living will and a health care proxy, if you are in a situation where death is a possibility, acknowledge that!

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So if your little old grandma is sitting at home alone, listening to conservative talk radio, clutching her shotgun and trembling in fear for her life, please just bring her a newspaper.  If she can’t see the tiny print, read it out loud to her! Because right now, the people she’s supposed to be able to trust, well they’re lying and it ain’t helping granny out one little bit.

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The Beginning of the End

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I, for one, do not want the Republican Party to dissolve, believe it or not.  It is far too amusing to watch, fumbling around issues.  More importantly, its probably one of the few things that unites the Democrats at this point — they’re almost as splintered.  But, at least in the Senate, it appears the thousands of cracks in the GOP are opening up into full blown schisms.  You know the silly dog that bites his own tail — imagine its an elephant.

It started yesterday when Republican Senator George Voinovich of Ohio, who has already stepped on some GOP toes recently, went ahead and said this out loud and to another person, for reasons only known to himself (CNN reports):artgettyvoinovich

Republican Sen. George Voinovich, who is not running for re-election next year, told a newspaper in his home state of Ohio yesterday that Southerners bore a good share of the blame for his party’s lagging popularity.

We got too many Jim DeMints and Tom Coburns,” Voinovich told the Columbus Dispatch Monday. “It’s the Southerners….

They get on TV and go ‘errrr, errrrr,’” he said, according to the paper. “People hear them and say, ‘These people, they’re Southerners. The party’s being taken over by Southerners. What they hell they got to do with Ohio?’”

Well guess who was not too happy about this?  Did you guess Southern Republicans?  You’re so smart.  Once again, CNN reports.

artvittergiSen. David Vitter of Louisiana slammed fellow Republican George Voinovich Wednesday for saying the GOP’s problems stem from the fact that it is “being taken over by Southerners,” calling the Ohio senator “a moderate, really wishy-washy.”

“I’m on the side of conservatives getting back to core conservative values,” Vitter told the Washington Times. “There are a lot of us from the South who hold those values, which I think the party is supposed to be about. We strayed from them in the past few years, and that’s why we performed so badly in the national elections.

I suggest these guys settle this the old fashioned way… take it outside.

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While You Were Mourning…

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So my favorite eatery has captioned CNN on their television at all times (hence, my favorite) and while the 24/7 media channel has a tendency to be a little hokey, perhaps overblown, and often downright dramatic (but no news is good news right?), I respect them simply for the fact that they are huge enough to sink their perfectly manicured, yet often clumsy, claws into most every major news item au current.  I can’t help myself, then, from feeling majorly disappointed that this generally satisfactory and overly accessible outlet for information is, at this very moment, reporting “BREAKING NEWS: VIDEO OF MICHAEL JACKSON’S FINAL REHEARSAL RELEASED.”  (Here it is if you’re curious… entertaining, but not news)

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I have to ask myself, is this really breaking news?  And don’t get me wrong, I love MJ.  I was a die hard Jackson fan even when it was embarrassing to admit.  My list of favorite songs include some of the lesser known, deeper felt (”She’s Out of My Life” now has a whole new meaning), and I’m proud to say that while its not a consistent ability, I have successfully moonwalked on occasion.  BUT — before I am a Michael Jackson fan, I am a citizen of the world, and my deeper concern lies in what has happened in the week since his untimely passing.  So here is the list of Top 5 News Events that occurred while you were mourning:

p71300101. Lets start with the ridiculously important act by the House last Friday, June 26, which, after years of ignoring the inconvenient truth, passed H.R. 2454, or The American Clean Energy and Security Act of 2009.  While the act itself is far (far far far far) from perfect, and in truth it dragged itself across the finish line at the last second, winning by only seven votes, it is hugely significant because it is the first time Congress has formally recognized what every other thinking American knows as Global Warming, Climate Change, the Greenhouse Effect (remember that one?), the End of the World, etc:

The vote was the first time either house of Congress had approved a bill meant to curb the heat-trapping gases scientists have linked to climate change. The legislation, which passed despite deep divisions among Democrats, could lead to profound changes in many sectors of the economy, including electric power generation, agriculture, manufacturing and construction.

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President Obama hailed the House passage of the bill as “a bold and necessary step.” He said in a statement that he looked forward to Senate action that would send a bill to his desk “so that we can say, at long last, that this was the moment when we decided to confront America’s energy challenge and reclaim America’s future.”

But I bet a lot of people didn’t hear about this.  After all, we’d only had a day since Michael’s passing.  Who cares about… you know, the world…?

2. Two days later, on Sunday June 28th, a little place called Honduras, you may have heard of it, its part of our continent, went ahead and had themselves a coupcentral-america-caribbean Back story is as follows: Left-leaning President Manuel Zelaya (think Chavez, with a mustache) was pushing for legislative reform which would allow him to lift the term restrictions for presidents, enabling him to run again (think Mayor Bloomberg, without the cash).  Apparently the military found this completely unacceptable, and in the middle of the night, took over the government and exiled Zelaya to Costa Rica (actually, that sounds pretty nice).29hondurasinlineb650

In the first military coup in Central America since the end of the cold war, soldiers stormed the presidential palace in the capital, Tegucigalpa, early in the morning, disarming the presidential guard, waking Mr. Zelaya and putting him on a plane to Costa Rica.

Mr. Zelaya, a leftist aligned with President Hugo Chávez of Venezuela, angrily denounced the coup as illegal. “I am the president of Honduras,” he insisted at the airport in San José, Costa Rica, still wearing his pajamas….

Church services were canceled and most people stayed home. Several thousand protesters supporting the president faced off against soldiers outside the presidential palace, burning tires.

The government television station and a television station that supports the president were taken off the air. Television and radio stations broadcast no news.  Only wealthy Hondurans with access to the Internet and cable television were able to follow the day’s events.

Normally a coup would be pretty big news — HUGE.  Remember in Pretty Woman when she goes back into the store to tell them what a mistake they’ve made by not letting her shop — HUGE MISTAKE — well this is huge the way that was.

3. Another two days later, in the early morning of Tuesday June 30, a passenger plane, an Airbus 310 to be exact, carrying 153 people, crashed on its way from Yemen to the Comoros Islands.  200963031342124734_5

While normally this would be an instant global tragedy for the world to rubberneck, the story becomes even more unbelievable, as a sole survivor, a 14 year old girl who can barely swim, is rescued, found floating in the Indian Ocean.  The young woman, Bahia Bakari, was traveling with her mother and three siblings, all of whom are believed to be dead, and cannot explain how it is she managed to stay alive.

A severely bruised young girl believed to be the only survivor of an Indian Ocean pFrance Yemen Plane Crashlane crash flew back Thursday to Paris, where she was embraced gently by her father, who tried to lift her spirits with a joke.

Bahia Bakari, 12, returned to France from the Comoros Islands on a French government plane. The Falcon-900 jet with medical facilities left the archipelago nation, a former French colony, and arrived at Le Bourget airport just north of Paris…

Bahia, described by her father as a fragile girl who could barely swim, spent over 13 hours in the water clinging to wreckage before she was rescued. She was found suffering from hypothermia, a fractured collarbone and widespread bruises to her face, elbow and foot….

“In the midst of the mourning, there is Bahia. It is a miracle, it is an absolutely extraordinary battle for survival,” France’s cooperation minister, Alain Joyandet, who flew back with her, said at the airport. “It’s an enormous message that she sends to the world … almost nothing is impossible.”

And yet, there are people who don’t even know this story, haven’t even heard of Bahia, because Michael Jackson died last week, and there’s only so much room for misery in one’s life.

4. Later that very same day, Al Franken defeated Norm Coleman in the final battle of the war for the Minnesota Senate Seat.

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Apparently Coleman had to dip into his dental fund to continue the lawsuit, and when pressed with the idea that he may be required to shell out even more cash, decided to call it quits, like a true conservative.  Obama now has 60 friends in the Senate.  He can basically do anything he wants.  Even Bush never had it this good.  And while I’m sure people know this happened, no one really seems to care.  All of the passion Americans have put into politics over the past year, seems to have died with MJ.

5. Finally, the people of Iran continued to struggle for basic human rights, like freedom, and fairness, and safety.  They continued to protest, continued to recieve beatings, continued to be kidnapped, murdered, or worst of all, disappeared.  They continued to document their troubles as well, but couldn’t post the images online, their main resource at this time, because the inernet had basically crashed with Michael Jackson frenzy.

So here’s a little video someone put up on YouTube to remind us all, its not over, its only just begun.

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(Amanda — don’t watch this)

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Its Just Gotten Too Easy

Throughout my back and forth between all the news outlets today, I just couldn’t help but become enthralled.  What is wrong with these people?!  Did IQs suddenly just drop?

Haven’t done a top 5 list in a while, so here’s a new one.  Top 5 morons currently in politics (here is a more complete list).

5. Ok, so lets start with (the already forgotten) Republican Senator John Ensign, who, just ten days 6a00d8345160a169e20115711bdfb3970b-300wiago, publicly admitted to having an extra-marital affair a year ago….with a campaign staffer.  His fellow Republicans did a pretty good job holding in the vomit upon learning of the indiscretion.

Senator Ensign was, until his very recent resignation as  chairman of the Republican Policy Committee, the fourth-ranking Pube among the party’s senatorial leadership.  I actually have a soft spot for the guy — he started off his career as a vet, opening two 24-hour emergency animal hospitals (which are very useful when you have an animal emergency!).  So what if he’s a born-again, Pentecostal “promise-keeper” (*laugh*).  So what that in 1998 when Bill Clinton was caught cheating Ensign pushed for his resignation.

“Think about it. He sent taxpayer-paid staff out to lie for him, and that is a misuse of office,” Ensign said.

Good point John Ensign.  Too bad you blew any credibility you ever had.

4.  Former Senator and Presidential hopeful John Edwards is number four here, which goes to show how bad the other three are.  Ok, Johnny, here’s a little piece of advice: if you’re running for President of the United States of America, don’t have an affair.  Or, if you absolutely must have an affair, don’t run for president.  Oh, and if you decide to go ahead and do both, don’t have a baby!  Moron.  I can’t believe I voted for you… even if you are a little dreamy. johnedwards

3. Former Governor of New York Eliot Spitzer comes in third for his run around a prostitution ring.  What I will say about Eliot, which I can’t say for any of these other guys, he ducked and covered.  I mean, when you’re under fire, get out da’ way!  I suppose Spitzers resignation stems from the fact that prostitution is illegal, while cheating is only a no-no in the eyes of g-d.  Anyway, he’s a dumbass because when you use hookers, you get caught.  Unless you kill them.  In which case, staffers are just as disposable.  Ask Gary Condit!  Spitzer’s affair was so unforgettably bad, it got its own wikipedia page.

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2. South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford is second for his little week-long disappearing act/trip to BA (jealous!) to visit his mistress Maria.  Here’s the thing, when you are the governor of a state, that’s like being a parent — like being octomom even!  When you go “missing,” people start to notice.  Therefore, if you are attempting to be discreet, tell someone what to do when people start asking where you’ve gone.  And don’t leave your wife at home, pissed off enough to admit to the media that even she has no idea where you are.  I mean, you’ve been running a goddamn state (not very well, but whatevs) for the past few years, don’t you have any idea how anything works?!mark-sanford-with-bush-010609-lg

1. But the number one dummy of the bunch, and this may come as a shock to those of you who liken me with Ethyl Rosenburg, the winner of our biggest dick-heads in politics is… everyones favorite Former President William Jefferson Clinton. biil-and-monica

I mean, when you’re running the world, you can’t just go boing the interns… and every other woman you’ve ever met.  I’ve got to eat dinner, and I don’t want to make myself nauseated, so I’ll spare us all the details, but you remember, and I’m sure as soon as I say ‘cigar’ you’ll get where I’m at.

Now don’t ever say I never did anything bi-partisan.

RIP MJ

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Why You Wanna Break My Heart?

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I realize I haven’t been completely objective (not that I ever claimed to be), and for a while there, I was a member of the Obama cheer-leading squad, but I’ve got to say, for me at least, the honeymoon is now officially over. Its not that I expected the new administration to do everything right, especially considering the seemingly insurmountable trouble they are faced with; its just, I never thought they would do something so clearly wrong.

To be fair, lets give a little context.

The Defense of Marriage Act, or DOMA as it is known, was a bill signed into law by President Clinton – NOT President Bush — on September 21, 1996. It basically says that no state can be forced to recognize other state’s same-sex marriages and that the federal government is required not to. So yeah, its pretty bad.

No State, territory, or possession of the United States, or Indian tribe, shall be required to give effect to any public act, record, or judicial proceeding of any other State, territory, possession, or tribe respecting a relationship between persons of the same sex that is treated as a marriage under the laws of such other State, territory, possession, or tribe, or a right or claim arising from such relationship.

In determining the meaning of any Act of Congress, or of any ruling, regulation, or interpretation of the various administrative bureaus and agencies of the United States, the word ‘marriage’ means only a legal union between one man and one woman as husband and wife, and the word ’spouse’ refers only to a person of the opposite sex who is a husband or a wife

pride-2007-castro-rainbow-flagArthur Smelt and Christopher Hammer, a gay couple who were married in California before Proposition 8 and had taken the two bans on marriage to Federal Court, were fought by the Obama Administration’s Justice Department. While it is rare for an administration not to defend the current laws (though not unheard of), whether or not they agree with them, it makes matters worse that Justice Department has written a brief which makes arguments comparing gay marriage to incestuous relationships.

The brief insists it is reasonable for states to favor heterosexual marriages because they are the “traditional and universally recognized form of marriage.” In arguing that other states do not have to recognize same-sex marriages under the Constitution’s “full faith and credit” clause, the Justice Department cites decades-old cases ruling that states do not have to recognize marriages between cousins or an uncle and a niece.

This is not a direction I expected this president to go in. For someone who travels the globe, preaching tolerance and understanding, he should make more of an effort to practice it at home.

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End the War on Love

Prop(aganda H)8*

6a00d8341d255953ef01156f5f41f3970b-800wi1CALIFORNIA CONSTITUTION
ARTICLE 1 DECLARATION OF RIGHTS

SEC. 7.5. Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.

Can you imagine anything less threatening than a gay wedding?  Someone please explain to me what is so troubling to Americans about other people’s private lives.  I will never get that.  Are we in Saudi Arabia?  I understand being threatened by violence, hatred, and fundamentalism, but certainly not by love — or sex for that matter.  If you’re not the one having it, who cares?!

Anyway, that really doesn’t have very much to do with Tuesday’s ruling of the California Supreme Court, and while it is disappointing, it was actually a fair decision by the Justices.  The fault lay with the argument brought forth on behalf of the plaintiffs, and the Court had no choice but to side with Prop(aganda H)8.

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Every state has their own constitution, which, like the big one, can be amended as time passes, communities integrate, states modernize, etc.  The Constitution of the State of California has been amended over 500 times and has a fairly clear set of instructions for the process:

ARTICLE 2 VOTING, INITIATIVE AND REFERENDUM, AND RECALL

SEC. 8. (a) The initiative is the power of the electors to propose
statutes and amendments to the Constitution and to adopt or reject
them…

ARTICLE 18 AMENDING AND REVISING THE CONSTITUTION

SEC. 3. The electors may amend the Constitution by initiative.

SEC. 4. A proposed amendment or revision shall be submitted to the
electors and if approved by a majority of votes thereon takes effect
the day after the election
unless the measure provides otherwise…

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It is under this pretense that opponents of Proposition 8 appealed to the State Supreme Court, arguing that the 52% vote for Proposition 8 was, in fact, not an amendment, but instead a revision to the Constitution, which cannot be written into law without further legislation (unlike an amendment).  The ever trusty New York Times describes the lawsuit fairly clearly:

Supporters of same-sex marriage, who filed several suits challenging the proposition after its adoption, argued that the change to the state’s Constitution was so fundamental that the initiative was not an amendment at all but instead a “revision,” a term for measures that rework core constitutional principles.

Under California law, revisions cannot be decided through a simple signature drive and a majority vote, as with Proposition 8. Instead, they can be placed on the ballot only with a two-thirds vote by the Legislature.

But the justices said the proposition was an amendment, not a revision. It has been historically rare for the state’s courts to overturn initiatives on the ground that they are actually revisions, and many legal scholars had deemed the challenge to Proposition 8 a long shot.

Whether or not the justices felt Proposition 8 was constitutional, they have to rule in favor of the majority under this law suit.  To ignore the majority vote would be to take the power out of the hands of the electors, and to do so would ultimately be considered tyranny.  In this particular case, the California Supreme Court, which voted in favor of gay marriage just one year ago, was right in their decision.

prop-8

Next time, why don’t you try Article 1, Section 1, which is pretty much a universal constitutional right, but in California is worded as such:

All people are by nature free and independent and have inalienable rights.
Among these are enjoying and defending life and liberty,
acquiring, possessing, and protecting property,
and pursuing and obtaining safety, happiness, and privacy.

I mean, there’s your argument right there.  Pretty basic.

It should be noted that the vote was 6-1, with the sole dissenting voice coming from Justice Carlos R. Moreno (once considered a possible Supreme nominee), who determined that the amendment was an illegal revision based on its unconstitutionality.  He wrote that Proposition 8 requires “discrimination” and “strikes at the core of the promise of equality that underlies our California Constitution and… places at risk the state constitutional right of all disfavored minorities.”

no-on-prop-8-unite21

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