The Catherinette Chronicles

You know that I NEVER miss out on an opportunity to mock a friend. Yesterday was Claude’s birthday - a shitty one for him as he lost someone very close to him. I send hugs to my Claude. Earlier in the day before we heard the bad news, he told me a little story about Mary Cocoa Butter. It just so happens to be Mary Cocoa Butter’s birthday today, so I feel that it’s only fitting that my gift to him is to share the story with the rest of you.

His current home doesn’t have a washer/dryer, so he had the “joy” and “pleasure” of packing up all his shit and taking it to the laundromat. Recently, he found out that the laundromat has a drop off service. You can just drop everything off, and they’ll take care of doing all of the laundering for you. Kind of like paying someone to be your mom, only without the nagging and home cooked meals and pressure to get married and have kids.

Mary Cocoa Butter was excited and quickly went about packing up all your dirty under things and dropping them off at the laundromat. After all, Mary Cocoa Butter had things to do, laundry just gets in the way.

On the day that Mary Cocoa Butter went to pick up his laundry, the tiny little Asian man gave him everything and as they were settling up the bill, he said, “You forgot something special.” Off he went to the back to go get the “special” something that Mary Cocoa Butter had left.

What could it be? Money? His iPod? A business card? A phone number? Thoughts were going through his mind as he racked his brain to try to remember.

Finally the man came out from the back and handed him something wrapped in a paper towel. As he unwrapped it, the color drained from his face, as he looked up with a horrified expression. There, in his hand was resting a butt plug that he had accidentally thrown in with his laundry.

Happy Birthday, Mary Cocoa Butter! And, you’re welcome.