The Catherinette Chronicles

When I was 16 years old, I met a cute boy at a college fair. Polo Boy was a Junior at a local high school, he played water polo, he volunteered at his church, he was funny, he was dreamy, and most importantly, he was interested in me. On the day we met, way back before we knew that email and the Internet would soon change our lives, he asked for my phone number.

Three nights later, as dictated in some secret man rule book, he called me to ask me out on my very first date. November 5th, 1991, that was the date of my first…uh…date. I had been scouting colleges in upstate New York, and I persuaded my step dad to drive us home early so I could meet Polo Boy. I wore my green and blue striped mini skirt and a blue t-shirt. I assure you, that my outfit was very “in” back in ‘91. We met at the 7-11 (do not get all judgey with me, Judgey Judgertron!!).

Our date consisted of walking across the street to listen to a band play at his local church. Hey, I’m not saying it was the most exciting date in the world, but for a 16 year old girl that didn’t know better, it was pretty freaking good. Polo Boy was a gentlemen, he held up his part of the conversation, and he was respectful. We continued to date on and off for the rest of the winter, and then eventually went our separate ways.

Fast forward 17 years (good lord that’s a long time), and I find myself still looking for Mr. Right instead of Mr. Right Now. Polo Boy is long since gone, as are my notions of traditional dating. Instead, like so many other singletons, I have turned to online dating. The world wide web has changed the way we date forever. Finding someone online can be quite an adventure. On the one hand, you might find someone that you would not typically meet in your day to day life, and you hit it off. On the other, you might have to weed through Loserville on your way to Loveville.

There are a lot of bad, scary, and down right tragic dating profiles out there. As a rule of thumb, I refuse to consider anyone who: does not have a picture posted, lists himself as married or looking for an “activity partner”, or has a poorly written profile.

For my fellow online daters, let me give you a few tips:

1. If you’re interested in courting someone in hopes of determining whether or not you might have some long term potential, do not invite them to see your naked man parts right away. Okay, so this “strategy” might work for those that are looking to love ‘em and leave ‘em. Those of us who are looking for something more serious, however, are probably not going to swoon if you start telling us all about how your “man bits” want to play with our “lady bits”. Consider saving this wooing strategy until AFTER you’ve met us.
2. If we give you our phone number, call us-don’t send us a text message. If we wanted you to write to us, we would have just kept the entire exchange over email instead of giving you a phone number.
3. Post a recent picture on your profile. There is nothing worse than showing up on that initial date, thinking you’re going to meet a dreamboat and ending up with a tugboat. It’s akin to ordering something out of a catalogue, only to find realize when it arrives at your house, that it looks NOTHING like the image in the catalogue. That’s false advertising, my friends.
4. Don’t bad mouth your ex on your profile. The other day I received an email from a potential suitor. The email was pretty good, so I decided to check out his profile. Two sentences in and I completely lost interest. “I’m finally free, and looking to date. After 8 years in a loveless marriage with a horrible woman, I’m looking for true love.” Check please!!
5. For the love of all things bright and beautiful all creatures great and small, spell check what you write!! Yeah, yeah, love is blind and blah, blah, snore, but I have no interest in going out with someone who is looking for the “gurl of his dreems” or who wants to spend “qualitee time withe a solemate.”

Finding a significant other is difficult, regardless of whether you meet them online, or the old fashioned way-at a local bar 15 minutes before last call. Let’s all try to make it a little easier on one another, shall we?