The Catherinette Chronicles

At one time or another, each of us has wondered if we had bad breath.  Admit it.  You’ve cupped your hand over your mouth, exhaled, and then attempted to immediately breathe in through your nose to determine whether or not you’re the one walking around with that stinky coffee-garlic breath combo.  If you’re smart, you carry mints and/or gum with you wherever you go - just in case that stench is coming from your own mouth.

In my case, I don’t just carry around mints for myself.  I often find that I spend half my day offering mints to both my sister and my mother.

Once, when we were in London, I sat in between them as they had a conversation.  I immediately whipped the mints out of my purse and forced them each to take one.  Now they know that the second the mints come out that it’s due to the foul odor that they are responsible for.

It’s quite possible that my sister and mother have the foulest breath on this planet.  I know that my sister’s is due to her consumption of coffee, and soda as the only form of liquid in her diet.  As for my mother’s, hers is not much different.  Just substitute the soda for tea and you have the same effect.  The smell that results is like sour coffee and it is nauseating.  It’s the kind of breath that you can smell 3 feet away.  I can’t imagine how horrid their mouths must taste like.  Blech.

What I don’t understand is how on god’s green earth they can open their mouths without immediately growing dizzy.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go outside and breathe some fresh air before either one of them lean in close and ask me what I’m writing while breathing dragon breath in my face.